Double Rainbow
by Hawki
Summary: Oneshot: Do I believe in magic in young girls' hearts? I dunno. But I do believe that Pyro is insane and that unicorns are the most deadly creatures in the multiverse, so there's that I guess.


**Double Rainbow**

A funny thing happened to me the other day.

For a moment I thought it best to step out of the Nexus. Have a cold one, drink some wine, ponder what beer actually tastes like (it's a Koprulu thing), and ponder the dichotomy of good and evil. Or red and blue. I think good and evil is a bit overrated nowadays. And I was reaffirmed of that notion when I saw that flamethrower maniac prancing around.

Oh, did I mention good and evil, red vs. blue? Well, I take it all back. Good and evil are moot, _Red vs. Blue _got crap after season 5 (zing!) and I have to say, whenever Pyro's friends are involved, it isn't really red vs. blue, it's more like "red team kicks arse at blue team's expense." Go figure.

But there he was, frolicking in his rainbow wonderland, too insane to realize that the land between the Nexus and Azeroth really _is _a rainbow wonderland, and chances are that if he did ride the rainbow, he'd end up in Whimsyshire. Or find a pot of gold with a homicidal leprechaun. One or the other. But point is, I know how to stay safe when Pyro is around. Keep still. Keep absolutely still so that gas-masked maniac doesn't see me. And tell myself I'll watch _Doctor Who _afterwards, specifically _The Empty Child_. Nice episode that.

It's not bad being in the Nexus really. You get really cool stuff from the multiverse. Sometimes it's TV episodes. Sometimes it's loot. Sometimes it's an abomination from Azeroth riding a rainbow unicorn.

_The hell?_

And I heard the music. The dreaded music. The music that asks whether I believe in magic in young girls' hearts. Which seems a bit pervy to me, but it's nothing compared to the horror that follows. It's a like a kill switch to Pyro. He hears it, he gets his giant crowbar/candy cane and goes screaming to whatever poor sap is in his way.

_Keep still. Keep absolutely still._

And he yells something behind his gas mask, something that unfortunately isn't "are you my mummy?" But on the other side of the luck spectrum, he's indeed charging the abomination, not me.

"Pudge!" he screams. "Pudge!"

_Keep still. Keep absolutely still._

"Pudge!"

_What?_

I blink. Not only is my line of thought ripping off _Jurassic Park_, but I have to comprehend that Pyro is yelling something that I can understand. The maniac's running towards the abomination, who's got off his rainbow unicorn and is laughing as the madman charges.

"Stitches wants to play!"

"Pudge!"

I wince as the crowbar hits the abomination's flesh. I wince even harder as the abomination draws blood from the arsonist with his sickle. Though I have to admit, I'm kind of intrigued as to how much effect the flamethrower will have on the undead. And whether Pyro's pink unicorn that appears out of thin air (yes, unicorns are a thing) will alter the battle balance.

"Pudge!"

"Can Stitches play now?"

I put a hand to my face as I hear the shouts, screams, and that damn song going back to the beginning. This is gonna take awhile.

"Drink, stranger?"

I remove the palm from my face. To my right I see a giant panda…no, sorry, _pandaren_. Though Po might have issues with that.

"Hey Chen. Got any grog?"

"The multiverse has been good to me."

I catch a can of…whatever it is. I sit down on the grass, patting the abomination's rainbow unicorn as it nuzzles up to me. I know unicorns are among the most deadly creatures in the Nexus (you ever seen their horn? Yikes!), but whatever, I know how to handle them.

"Who do you think will win?"

Chen, who's sat down and started drinking as well, looks at me. "What did you say?"

"Them." I gesture towards the two maniacs fighting, the abomination trying to use his chain on the Pyro and repeatedly missing, and Pyro's crowbar bouncing off the creature's rotting flesh. "Who'll win?"

The pandaren shrugs. "To ask why we fight is to ask why leaves fall."

"Yeah yeah, cinematic trailers." I take a sip of the grog. "Not bad. So when do you get to enter the Nexus?"

"PAX, probably."

"Oh. Any chance of more heroes that aren't from Azeroth?"

"Pudge!" Pyro cries.

"Perhaps. Perhaps not. Who can say what lies in the minds of those who ordain our fate?"

I look at Chen. I look at the unicorn, its shiny horn catching my eye. I look at the maniacs fighting it out like…well, fanboys, really. Nothing starts a conflict like a flame war. Pun possibly intended.

"Yeah." I offer the grog to the unicorn, who begins lapping it up. "Who can say?"

* * *

_A/N_

_There's a certain tradition when it comes to watching _Heroes of the Storm _trailers on YouTube - watch trailer, look at comments, face-palm as comments stream in about how x copied y, how (insert _League of Legends _character here) is better than the HotS/_DotA 2 _counterpart, rinse and repeat. So for the Stitches trailer, I was expecting comparisons to be made to Pudge. What I wasn't expecting was claims that the Stitches trailer ripped off _Meet the Pyro _by virtue of both characters running through rainbow fields. Because, y'know, obviously that meme didn't exist until _Team Fortress 2_._

_Anyway, ended up drabbling up this as a bit of fun, so there's that I guess._


End file.
